My Secret Birth Mother

I'm adopted & I've struggled with finding my birthmother, not finding my birthmother and generally wondering who I am & where exactly I belong. But there was one time I felt whole and everything in my life made sense.

When I was in college Roseanne was hugely popular and I was a fan.

I went to UT Austin, and was walking to my west campus dorm, reading an article about her in the school paper.  It said that Roseanne had given up a baby for adoption years ago and was looking for her, but the National Inquirer had found the girl first. She happened to be a college student at UT Austin. Oh my god! The girl was a sophomore (like me!!) and lived in a dorm in west campus (LIKE MEEE !!!!!!) Roseanne was racing to get to the girl before the Inquirer. She was on her way to UT.

My whole life made sense! THIS is why I don’t connect to the quiet people who adopted me. I’m outgoing and they’re not. I’m funny and they’re not. But Roseanne is big and loud and I’M BIG AND LOUD!!!!!!!!!  Mystery solved!   I AM FROM THE LOINS OF ROSEANNE BARR!! That’s why I love her. I “get” her. I AM her.  I’ve been watching MY OWN MOTHER on TV! Deep down, I’ve known for years -- I am Roseanne’s DAUGHTER!  Everything makes sense now! And she’s on her way to get me. I am about to meet MY MOTHER, ROSEANNE!!!

My eyes scanned the paper… it said that Roseanne had given up her baby to a Jewish—oh shit.  A Jewish adoption center in Utah…. Dammit! I’m from Hope Cottage in Dallas. And that was that.

My deepest desire to connect with my birth mother was squashed. For a moment, someone who left me behind was coming to scoop me back up, to hold me, look in my eyes, and for the first time, I’d look into eyes that were my eyes. I’d hug someone whose body runs with the same blood in my body. I’d be reflected. I’d feel whole. 

Plus, I’d be SOOO rich.