Don't 'fit in,' 'fit out' + Happy Thanksgiving '18
I’ve always wanted to write a blog but I always thought it was too late. Like, 10 years ago it was too late, so it’s definitely too late now. But here it is.
I never knew what to write about because I’m into comedy and meditation and is that weird? Do they go together or are they at odds? Or is one the perfect solution to the other? Then I saw a FB post the other day “Looking for female comedian into meditation for a podcast - paid.” And I was like - there are others? And …it’s something people want??? And why did I think I was weird for so long? At some point when I was little, I started thinking I was weird. And I think I kept thinking I was weird because - dunno. Habit?
But we’re all weird (says Breakfast Club) and I’ve found that to be true. And it’s not about fitting in it’s about finding your group. Being totally yourself enough to transmit that signal so strongly that people who are just like you will see, hear, feel, VIBE your signal and find you. And stand next to you like the penguins do. Claim you and keep your warm. Maybe the key isn’t to fit in, but to fit out. Then find your other outfitters.
From the outside, I do a lot of stuff. But there’s also a lot of stuff I keep myself from doing, due to varying levels of self-esteem or whatever internal head block comes up. (I call it my “How to Hate Yourself” voice bc when I listen to it, that’s pretty much what happens.) And I’ve found that pretty much everyone has that voice. Except sociopaths.
I can be really up and really down, total optimist, complete cynic, loving kind & helpful, then narcissistic mean and selfish. Bleh.
I’ve often thought I’d be a great motivational speaker if I didn’t get so depressed.
Then there’s people like Anne Lamott who embrace both and declare “This is the human condition.” So, Imma do that, too.
I also have podcasts - 2 really, because for years I couldn’t exactly decide. One is How to Hate Yourself where I talk to comics and others about their version of that self-critical voice in their head. And we totally call it out, laugh at it and…cure it? And some content is live from my show of the same name at the Hollywood Improv. #Fancy. The other pod is Meditate with (comedian) Laura House. Where I talk meditation, sometimes to a person, sometimes just to the listener, and we can meditate together. It works if you’ve never meditated or have totally meditated a bunch.
Today I’m Thankful for a lot. Here’s 6
That I have a cozy home with my own room/office, a fireplace, a big kitchen and ornate arches & beautiful little touches. We’ve only been here for a year. It has so many weird quirks, but it’s weird & great and awesome.
That I’m in a healthy loving relationship - I avoided these on purpose and on accident for…ever, I guess? I honestly didn’t think it was possible that someone great would love me. But he does and I’m grateful
Sobriety - I have 11 years and some change since my last drink. For 20 years, I couldn’t go a weekend without drinking and once I drank, I didn’t know what would happen. 20 years. I couldn’t stop on my own. Am deeply grateful there’s help for that.
That I found, er, was found by my birth family this year.
That’s some of mine. What about you?