Losing

It's so weird to lose people. 

When I started comedy, all I thought about was myself--am I funny enough? am I going to get to do this? will i make it?

I started in Austin, then moved to LA. After some time, I couldn't help but notice other people were doing comedy, too. Eventually, even though there was no formal beginning or induction, we became a little class. We're the group that started around that same time and did these same shows.

When I went to Freshman Orientation in college, we were told "Look to your left, now look to your right, 1 of you won't make it." Or something like that. I wasn't listening.

No one told me this for comedy. No one put us in a stadium-seated classroom and said, "For every 10 of you, 2 will work semi-regularly, 3 will keep their day jobs, 1 will be a big success in another field, 2 will kill themselves, 1 will die early of natural causes (probably complicated by drinking or diet) and 1 will be hugely famous on every billboard in town." 

But it seems that's what's happened. Another friend & colleague of mine is dead. This was one of her last facebook posts.

Amy Daulton

Fantastically meaningful now. 

Amy was cute and blonde and ridiculous. She was roommates with my former roommate Rylee and my ex-boyfriend developed a huge crush on her post-us, which I found intimidating and flattering.  We played back-up dancers in a Rachel Arieff show--something about 'pass the pepper.' I think the bit was that we broke our butts in an accident but refused to stop dancing. We drank and laughed together lots of times.

Back then I didn't think about loss, only gain. Just what I could get, where I could get, what I could create, how far I could go.

And now people from that class are gone. Charlie Shannon, Karen Korn, Amy Daulton.  They touched people and made people laugh and created comedy and are gone. I think about them. And I feel so sad about that. And sad to find out that it's just something that happens. 

2 of these people are gone now. Amy's front and center. Charlie's in the back row behind her--he could make anyone laugh. 

Everyone says entertainment is hard. I find it hard in ways I never imagined.

Until tomorrow, Fuckos.